We've had some big changes! Rohan came back, and he and Smoky moved to a great boarding facility. They live together in a pasture with a run-in shelter, 24/7 slow feeder hay (+ pasture!), with other horses around, and use of a covered arena, hooray! Watching Smoky and Rohan settle in has been interesting. I was going on walks with Smoky, and he was concerned about almost everything. Lots of neighing, and return neighing from Rohan. Curious about what reassures him, I showed I was interested in what he was paying attention to, matched steps and breathing, practiced approach/retreat/repeat, allowed him to choose where we went, and told him over and over he was safe. I'm pretty giddy the most effective reassurance was attracting his attention from "there" to "here with me" by touching his neck/shoulder. At first he would only briefly shift his focus to me, then the longer I kept his focus and connection, the more quickly he would focus on me again. It's so cool I can help him feel safe and relaxed by connecting with him. The coolest is he will now relax/calm himself by connecting with me by attention and a brush of his muzzle.
Now when Rohan starts calling to Smoky from the pasture, Smoky will shift his focus to me and connect (if I am aware). If I'm not paying attention or his concern is bigger and he gets tense and starts to call back, I can quickly connect with him again.
Humans and horses have nervous systems that are attracted to those who are calm & self-regulating, and therefore provide physical and emotional safety. For nervous systems to learn to self-regulate, they can be co-regulated through relationships with others. Positive interactions and safe relationships help us learn to manage our thoughts and emotions appropriately. We can seek safety in the presence of a trusted friend, initiate a conversation with a mentor, or ask for a hug from a family member.
I'm trying to be aware and available as a trusted friend to Smoky, and it's so fun to see progress in our relationship! This dude rocks.
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